Unopened Letters
by Tanba Josav
Summary: Set post Phantom Menace. A newly knighted Jedi and his Padawan Learner must come to terms with the death of a good friend. AKA Obi-Wan and Anakin return to Coruscant soon after the death of Qui-Gon Jinn.


** "UNOPENED LETTERS**"

THEME: Angst, I guess

DISCLAIMER: All the familiar names belong to the George Lucas, he of the flannel shirts, and Lucasfilm. This is purely an exercise of love and I'm not making a cent off this, okay? So don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth your time.

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker stood on a floating platform waiting for a shuttle to take them to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Obi-Wan swallowed as the dull ache in his chest swelled; it had been only three weeks since the death of his master, and best friend, Qui-Gon Jinn.

'_Will this pain ever go away?'_ he thought.

The Council had graciously allowed the pair to stay on at Naboo to mourn privately but now they had returned to present Ani to the Temple for the first time as Obi-Wan's Padawan Learner.

The new knight's mouth twitched. _'My Padawan,'_ his fingers strayed towards the spot behind his right ear where his own braid had been for so many years. Much had changed in such a short period of time.

'_Oh Master,' _he sighed inwardly. _'How will I cope? How can I do the boy justice? I don't think I'll ever be half the teacher you were.'_

He looked down at the nine-year-old who was shivering. Obi-Wan moved closer to block the brisk breeze and rubbed the boy's shoulders briskly.

"Don't worry Ani, we'll be inside soon."

"Yes sir."

Obi-Wan smiled down at Anakin. The last three weeks had given them both the chance to get to know each other better and Kenobi was beginning to believe he was finally seeing the potential that Qui-Gon had sensed in the boy. A shuttle arrived and the pair started towards it.

"After we've seen the Council I'll show you to your new rooms." Obi-Wan laughed softly when Anakin pulled a face at the mention of the Jedi Council. "Believe me young Padawan when I tell you they have your best interests at heart."

Anakin entered the shuttle after his new master and settled down in a seat. "Yes sir, Master, sir," he replied doubtfully. "If you say so."

It was several hours later when the weary pair finally left for their apartment. Master Yoda and his fellow council members had grilled the two thoroughly. Every little detail from the moment they had met had been analysed and dissected. Obi-Wan was unclear why they had to go through it all again. He and Ani had both been debriefed after that fateful day on Naboo, but his was not to question the methods of the Council. Although he had felt sorely tempted.

Maybe more of his master was rubbing off on him every day. Qui-Gon would never had stood by and watched his apprentice, who was clearly frightened and exhausted, have to repeatedly answer an increasing amount of questions. Still the worst was over and they could now rest.

Obi-Wan felt his steps slow as they drew closer to his master's quarters. His quarters now. He didn't want to face this; Master Windu had taken him aside and told Obi-Wan that no one had touched a thing in there. As was his right as Qui-Gon's Padawan it would be Kenobi's job to clear out any of his former master's personal affects. Normally he would then transfer to another room but he had requested, for now, to stay in his old quarters stating that familiarity would do him and the boy some good. It said a lot for the Council that they had agreed. Qui-Gon's death had affected them all in different ways.

Ani noticed Obi-Wan's reluctance and reached up to tug on his sleeve. "Master, sir?"

"It's all right," Obi-Wan patted the boy's hand briefly. Remembering the many times his master had done the same to him. "We're almost there."

The corridor was empty and quiet, many of its occupants away on missions. The rest eating or resting in their rooms. The whole Temple felt colder somehow, more muted. Obi-Wan rather suspected it was his feelings colouring the situation more than anything else.

They stopped in front of a door indistinguishable from the rest. "Here we are." Keying in the code to open the door Obi-Wan looked down. "This is home, Ani."

"Home." The boy tried out the word before looking up at his master and giving him a tentative smile.

They both walked inside letting the door slide closed behind them.

The interior of the quarters were spartan, but there were enough small personal touches to show it was home, albeit rarely, for two Jedi bachelors. One of Obi-Wan's sashes carelessly thrown over a chair, datapads holding vital information from their last mission to Naboo, an empty cup – complete with a ring of spilt liquid dried on the table. It was like the occupants had just stepped out but would soon return. Only one of them would never return, never come back.

The quarters seemed to hold its breath, waiting.

"Are you hungry?" Obi-Wan asked into the silence.

"Yes, sir, a little."

"Well, let's see what I can find." He moved across the room towards the small kitchen area. "Sit down and make yourself comfortable."

Ani slumped down in a chair, tucking his feet underneath himself for added warmth. While Obi-Wan looked in the refrigeration unit. What greeted him were greyish lumps of mould.

"Master Windu wasn't kidding," he said quietly.

"Obi-Wan, sir, is there a problem?" Ani called out.

"Oh no," Obi-Wan turned to see his apprentice standing in the doorway. "Not unless you count the fact our food's seemed to have grown enough sentient life to apply for entrance to the Republic."

Anakin stifled a giggle.

"Looks like its field rations for us, tonight."

"That's all right, sir," Ani replied. "I once went for three whole days without food because we couldn't afford to eat. I'm sure whatever you have will be fine."

"You've obviously never eaten rations then." Obi-Wan mentally winced at his facetious comment. It was so like Kenobi to make light of a child's former slavery. He knelt down in front of the boy and looked him in the eye. "Ani, I promise you will never go hungry again."

Anakin nodded. "I know," he said simply. "But compared to some of the stuff I've had to eat your rations can't be that bad. Sir."

"Oh you think so, do you? Tell me what you think _after_ you try them."

They both sat down in the living area as Obi-Wan pulled some small food parcels from his utility belt and handed the larger portion over to his apprentice.

"You and Master Qui-Gon, sir, lived here?" Ani asked.

"Yes and now we do."

Ani bit into food bar and grimaced at the taste.

Obi-Wan noted his expression. "I told you," he said with a grin.

"Its good," Ani mumbled around a mouthful. "No, really."

Obi-Wan laughed. "Well at least we now have an indication of how good your diplomacy skills will be."

"I have a lot to learn, huh?"

"You have some catching up to do. But I have faith in the Force that you will be running rings around the other padawans in no time."

"Do you really mean that, Master, sir?"

Obi-Wan found himself surprised to realise that he did mean that. The boy's abilities had grown in leaps and bounds in the few weeks they had spent together. Even Masters Yoda and Windu had noted that in the hours they had interrogated the pair. "Yes, Anakin, I do and you don't have to call me 'sir' it's hard enough getting used to being called 'master'."

"Yes, Master," Ani looked up at Obi-Wan from the floor. A mischievous look flitted across his face. "Sir!" he added.

"Right, just for that you can go to bed without any dessert." Obi-Wan softened his stern gaze realising at the last moment that Ani wasn't used to his sense of humour, or ways, yet. "Not that we have any dessert, my young Padawan."

"I knew that." Anakin smiled back. "Will there be some tomorrow?"

"We'll see. But for now it's late and you need some rest." Obi-Wan pointed towards the smaller of the two bedrooms. "Take my old room, I'll clear it out tomorrow when we settle you in properly."

As the boy moved across the room Obi-Wan stood up and caught a glimpse of his reflection in one of the darkened windows. Once again he was surprised not to see his braid snaking down his chest and felt the need to confirm with touch the change in his status. Stopping the movement before it started instead he reached up and ran his hand over the red-brown stubble on his lower face. When had he stopped shaving?

"Ani," he turned to address the young boy, who had stopped at the threshold of his new room. "How do you think I'd look if I grew a beard?"

Anakin tilted his head to one side as he thoughtfully stroked his own smooth chin. "Fuzzy," he finally said. "But good."

"I might just do that. I was getting tired with shaving."

"I'd never get tired of shaving."

"You say that now, but wait until you have to start."

Obi-Wan turned back to the window trying to reconcile his life with this weary, sad stranger before him. He knew it was his place to comfort the boy, but who was there left to comfort him?

"Master?"

A small hand reached out to claim his as Obi-Wan looked down at Ani. "Yes?"

"I really miss Master Qui-Gon and my mom. I even miss Padme, I mean Queen Amidala, but I'm glad I still have you."

Reaching across with his free hand Obi-Wan ruffled Ani's hair. "And I am really glad to have you, Anakin. Now go to bed, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow."

"Yes, sir, night."

Obi-Wan stood in the doorway of the other bedroom. He wasn't sure how long he had been there, he knew Ani had gone to bed hours ago and Obi-Wan had spent that time catching up on messages, most of them in the form of condolences, and scanning the local news reports for interesting articles. He'd even flirted with the idea of cleaning the apartment before deciding against it. He knew deep down, that he was just avoiding the real issue.

Sighing Obi-Wan swept his hand over the light sensor and entered Qui-Gon's room. It was not all that different from his old room. Same furniture, same minimal clutter – although Obi-Wan's was more befitting a man who had not long ago placed his childhood into storage. But no matter the similarities Kenobi did not feel like he should change anything, like he was ready to step in and replace the only father he ever knew. How could anyone believe that Qui-Gon Jinn was truly gone when he could still feel his master's presence here? Smell Qui-Gon's faint scent, see the precise ways he arranged every object for maximum appeal? If Obi-Wan tried hard enough he could still hear his master's voice.

Walking over to the bedside table Obi-Wan picked up Qui-Gon's old antique hairbrush. It had been a present from some Dowager Empress on one of his master's first solo missions. He pulled out a few long grey hairs and rubbed them between two fingers.

"How can I let you go?" he asked the room.

He could almost hear Qui-Gon's faintly amused words speak back to him. _Trust in the Force, my Padawan. It will always guide you and stop playing with my things._

Smiling at the memories Obi-Wan put the brush back and sat down on the edge of the bed. Tonight he would sleep on the floor in the main room, it would be wrong to sleep in here just yet. He would wait until after the Remembrance Ceremony.

It was customary when a Jedi died either in battle or of old age, for the closest friends to gather and remember the good times. It was also tradition for the Jedi's padawan, or closest friend, to divide the deceased's possessions amongst the ceremonies participants as Remembrance Tokens. A way of the dead living on in their memories. Obi-Wan had already decided that he would give Ani the hairbrush and comb. He thought the boy would appreciate something that Qui-Gon had used everyday.

"Do I have to, Master, sir?" Ani asked.

"Yes, you have to," Obi-Wan replied. The pair was walking along one of the many corridors in the Jedi Temple. They were heading towards a small room where a group of younglings were waiting.

"But they're all so young," the boy said, catching a glimpse at the class. "I'll look silly with them."

"You're only a few years older, Ani, and you need to learn the basics if you want to become a Jedi."

"Couldn't _you_ teach me?"

"It is customary for Master Yoda to train the younglings. He says it because they are at their most willing to learn at that age, personally I think the only reason he does it is because they are the only ones he doesn't have to talk up to." Obi-Wan tried to make light of the fact that Anakin _was_ several years older then the rest of his class. "I was taught by Master Yoda when I was younger, as was Qui-Gon. Think of it as a tradition."

"But what if they laugh at me? I won't know what to do!"

"Jedi laugh _with_ someone they do, never at." The gravelly voice of Master Yoda floated out from the doorway.

Anakin looked up to see the small green Jedi leaning on his gnarled stick. "But what if I make a mistake?" Ani asked looking from Yoda to Obi-Wan.

"Learn from mistakes we do." Yoda replied. "Come, come." He beckoned the boy inside.

Obi-Wan gave Ani a gentle push to start him moving. "I will see you later."

"Promise?" Ani asked.

Knowing that the boy was still uncertain about his future and place in the temple and needed some reassurance Obi-Wan bowed to the two ever so slightly. "You have my word."

Back in his quarters Obi-Wan entered his master's room. The Jedi did not believe in material wealth. What little they owned they would gladly give up to another in need. But even the Jedi possessed small things, small tokens that represented the crystallised memories of days gone by. Qui-Gon Jinn was a collector of stones; Obi-Wan knew this because he had received several of his own from his master over the years. Reaching into his robes he pulled out the last stone Qui-Gon Jinn would ever collect. It was a small dark grey stone flecked with smoky green tendrils and smoothed from years in the water. He had seen Jinn absently pick it up as they were waiting for Jar Jar Binks to come back from the underwater Gungan City on their second trip to Naboo.

In a strange way this was Qui-Gon's legacy, a pile of stones. Each of those stones represented a planet and mission that his master had gone on, each of those stones was a story. Many a night Qui-Gon had picked out a stone and proceeded to tell Obi-Wan where he had found it and what he had been doing at the time. Some tales involved Jinn's own master, some with Xanatos – his former Padawan – one or two even involved tales of Masters Yoda and Windu. Each stone was unique, even how they were found was a story in itself. Some were bought in markets and bazaars, all polished and shiny; others had been found scattered along some alien landscape, weathered by wind, rain or water. Some were dull, some transparent, one or two were in fact precious stones given as grateful gifts. Each treated the same, lying quietly on a stone platter waiting to be brought to life in story. Obi-Wan rolled the stone around in his fingers for a few minutes before dropping it on top of the pile, picking up the platter he walked out into the main room and placed them on the central table. He wondered if Anakin would be able to recognise the jagged red rock that Jinn had picked up on Tatooine?

Sighing Obi-Wan turned back to his master's room. It was time to finish cleaning it out, time to put the past behind him and begin a new chapter of his life with Anakin. Besides tomorrow was the Remembrance Ceremony for Qui-Gon Jinn. Having a deadline to finish cleaning out the room was probably the best thing that could have happened; otherwise Obi-Wan might have delayed the inevitable for weeks. Jedi weren't supposed to have attachments but no matter what they taught you, letting go of a loved one was never going to be easy.

Opening the closet he began pulling out Qui-Gon's old tunics and robes, most of them would go back into general population, to be given out to other Jedi as and when needed. Obi-Wan placed two of the newer robes aside; he thought that maybe Master Windu would appreciate having them. Especially since he remembered his master telling Obi-Wan of times when Jinn and Windu had been younglings growing up together, how they had sometimes had to borrow each others clothing. Obi-Wan smiled, it was hard for him to imagine Master Windu as a youngling, someone who, if the stories were true, ran a little wild, pulled pranks and loved nothing more than getting muddy and dirty playing in the Temple gardens at all hours of the day. No, it was not easy imagining Master Windu like that but maybe when Obi-Wan presented the robes tomorrow, maybe that little boy would remember his childhood friend, remember their times together.

The robes went into the main room. To be placed next to some figurines and artefacts from many worlds that Obi-Wan was sure would be appreciated by Qui-Gon's friends. Along with these was four datapads full of thoughts and conjectures on the Living Force, Obi-Wan was sure that Master Yoda would find them of interest. His Master and Yoda had many a long discussion on the differences between the Living and Unifying Force. Maybe Jinn's thoughts might be turned into lessons for the next generation of Jedi? Maybe that would be his lasting legacy?

The room was almost empty now and yet there seemed nothing Obi-Wan truly wanted to keep for himself. There was nothing here that seemed to capture all that was of his Master, how could you take one thing and let it speak for a man, a man who had raised you, trained you, made you what you are today? Turning back he looked into the closet and saw sitting right at the back a bundle. Frowning slightly Obi-Wan reached in and pulled it out. It was a pile of folded parchments all tied together with one of Jinn's hair ties. Under the bundle was more parchments, these ones were flattened and sitting next to them was an old fashioned inkwell and pen. Obi-Wan had never seen anything like this before. Never in his life had he seen his master with anything but a datapad in his hand. What were they, old letters of some kind?

Sitting down on the edge of the bed Obi-Wan pulled loose the bow tying the parchments together, there must have been close to a hundred of them if not more. Each one seemed to be one parchment folded in three and each one had his name written on the front. Spreading the parchments out on the bed Obi-Wan noticed that the writing seemed to fade the further down the pile he went. Were they in some sort of chronological order? Taking a deep breath Obi-Wan took the parchment from the bottom of the pile and hesitantly opened it and began to read.

Obi-Wan

Today I take you as my Padawan Learner. I confess to some trepidation, not because of you but because I fear I am not ready to take on another, not after Xanatos. I know you don't understand now, that you feel my reluctance is because I don't find you worthy. I hope one day you will understand that you are more than worthy, youngling, even if you are headstrong and rash.

No, the fear is of my own making. I missed the signs with Xanatos and his failure was my own. I fear that I will be too hard on you, that I will not trust in you and the Force. Forgive me if this comes to pass, my Padawan.

I write these letters to you, not for you to see now, but in the future when you are grown. I write them so that you will come to understand why I did the things I did. I hope one day when you have passed your trials that we will sit down and read them together. That you will look back and think fondly of your old Master and his worries.

Qui-Gon Jinn.

The words blurred as Obi-Wan read them. Blinking he was surprised to see widening circles of dampness appear amongst the letters, smudging some of the words. Wiping away the tears Obi-Wan folded up the letter and placed it back with the others. He knew his master had initial doubts about taking him on but he never suspected the depths and reasons behind them. If it hadn't been for these letters he never would have. Tying the bundle back together Obi-Wan realised this was his master's gift to him. A chance to reach out beyond death and teach him still.

"How like you, master," he muttered. "Always full of surprises."

Obi-Wan picked up inkwell and pen and looked at them thoughtfully. There were still blank parchments here; there was still a young master with concerns and worries about his new Padawan. Obi-Wan picked up parchment, ink and pen and walked over to a small table near the window. Sitting down he uncapped the ink and saw there was still a small amount inside. Looking around Obi-Wan observed his master's former room, the small pile of possessions waiting for tomorrow's ceremony. He then looked for a few minutes out the window at the majesty of Coruscant below. He dipped the pen into the ink and began to write

Anakin

Tomorrow is the Remembrance Ceremony of my Master Qui-Gon Jinn. I know you only knew him for a short time but I believe you would have loved him almost as much as I did. We have both known loss recently but I hope that we will both overcome them and grow strong together.

Let me tell you a bit about my master, about how we met.


End file.
